Discover...

I feel so bad that I can't...or don't take the boys out more, it is just so hard on my own when they run in opposite directions from me. Besides it being hard it is down right scary, really I can not be in two places at once no matter how hard I try. Anyways, the point of this blog is I have been wanting to take the twins here with daddy for months at it has been extremely hot, or the mosquitoes would eat you alive so we haven't made it. One time this spring we went with big brother and one of his friends, which met the last thing brother wanted to do was help chase babies...excuse me toddlers *laugh*, I did get some amazing photos last time, which is hard to believe with all the chasing that was going on. We finally had a cool, breezy, mosquitoe-less day and we hit the spot!!! It is just a wide open area of trees, flowers, and some wild turkeys and a peacock and it is gorgeous. We unloaded out of the Suburban and it was instant woo we are free, and the chase was on for this mama and Dada. It was sweet to see, I have had a rough few days, well months but the last few days have been non to be desired with all the attitude and tantrums going on and daddy at work. Grrrrr damn that night shift!! So babies off and running through the tall grass and weaving in and out of the trees, not knowing which way to go next, so much to see and explore, they picked up leaves, sticks, and feathers, well Dylan did anyways heehee. So there is a story behind these pictures of the feathers that I swear I will never forget. I am following Ashton (in the green) and daddy has Dylan (in the navy), Ashton and I come across this feather, bends down, reaches............and a breeze blows the feather and it completely flips in the air, that was that NO WAY was he touching it. Ashton takes a couple of steps back, does his (impossible to explain how cute this is) oh no...ah...what... how...gasp...(pic 2)telling you something with hes blah goo aha blabs and has this look of shock and wonder on his face then walks around the feather. This has to go down as one of the most precious, cute, and funny moments, and so I picked up the feather and we walked on to find daddy and Dylan. We walk and come across daddy and Dylan and they too have found a wild turkey feather, daddy points it out and Dylan could really care less just looks and starts pointing at the log (pic 1)and "talking" about who knows what, but me as the complete photo taking junkie I am has to get a photo with Dylan and his feather too I pick up the feather and show them both and set it back down and they both just stare at it like what is that silly thing and why on earth does mama want us to see it so badly (pic 3). Really it was simple chain of events but I found it to be so sweet and just what I needed after a weekend of stress-filled days with daddy at work and me on my own. I seem like they just know...okay we have been terribly hard on mama now we need to have some moments of sweetness to balance it all out and make her think awwww. I know that is a bit far fetched but that is the way it works every time, I get to that how in the hell can I do this moment and then it just becomes clear that this is just life, and all the rough times pass and lead up to these sweet moments that hold a dear place in this mamas heart and will forever be in my memories.  I loved having the boys out and watching their minds just go all over with wonder and exploring every leaf, tree, and even stickers *OUCH*.  I just have to tell myself these hard times shall pass, but with it will be all these first and new discoveries. 

We survived it...

We had our big week long camping trip and we survived!!!  Okay to be honest the twins stayed at grandma and granpa's for two nights, and that gave us some time for some much needed relaxation, time with Ethan one night, and one night with just Jeff and I.  I was expecting more out of the trip, but I guess I really should have know a trip with the twins would be difficult to say the least.  I had a list of things that I wanted to accomplish and for the most part I got to most everything, the list was a day on my "big ass" floaty" with Ethan and Jeff, a night of fishing with Jeff, and roasting marshmallows with all the boys.  Well we had an evening to fish just Jeff and I, but it wasn't how I envisioned it but still was nice to have the night alone.  Really I should have known you don't just sit, talk, and fish, but we still had a chance to talk and hang out childless which is always nice.  One night we just had Ethan with us and that was the night I was most looking forward to... just the three of us, like old times, well Ethan got a stomach ache and spent most the night in the camper while Jeff and I sat by the campfire *I GOT SOME AWESOME PICTURES OF THAT*, I really hate that Ethan wasn't feeling better to enjoy some time with us.  Now the "big ass" floaty, oh hell yeah that was the best part of it all!!! I was a carefree sun loven' mama for a few hours, I have literally been looking forward to that since the twins were born.  I have no clue what it is but if I could choose to do most anything in would be sit on my floaty, in the sun, on a beautiful lake, and just chill watching Ethan and Jeff do what ever it is they may decide to do in between chilln' with me and swimming.  This trip they were catching shad with the throw net, what a sight.  It was one of those moments for the father son scrapbook!!!  Ugh which reminds me we have two more sons to add, geesh I barely got the one son done in it. *laugh*  So if I had to rate the trip I would say, minus all the stress I really didn't need to put on myself, it was an eight!!!  Now the saddest part is it was the last trip in our lil' camper *sad*, we have outgrown it to say the least!  Two beds for the five of us is way way way cramped, and there was no where near the storage we needed, but we had it for five years and sold it for more than we bought it for so I would say we came out on top.  I know it was what we needed and we will end up with a nicer camper, but it was sad to see it get pulled away, and it is so odd to come home and see no camper parked out back.  Oh I hope we find a new one before next May, I am hoping for a Daddy BDay camping trip!!!  So really the summer has ended for this family and we just have to look forward to next year and the new and fun things that will come for us, and hope that next summer is less stressful and a bit more fun that this one was. 

Hit me like a wall...

While I was looking for a picture that I had taken of them last summer, and ended  up taking some time looking through months of pictures. I came across pictures of them when they were little with their fuzzy lil' heads and cute baby faces, and it hit me like a wall... I didn't get to enjoy it like I could have.  I feel so damn stupid for feeling sorry for myself and always being so sad and stressed out.  I wish I would have just sucked it up asked for some help so I could have got some sleep and enjoyed my babies more. Time went so fast, and back then I swore I would NEVER miss that stage of their life, what was I crazy, how could I not miss them adorable cuties and all their firsts. What I don't miss is all the sleepless nights and sitting home alone with no support while Jeff was at work.  I am lucky he was as amazing as he was when he was able to be with us or I have no idea how I would have coped with it all.  I also found a group of amazing twin moms on-line who were really great and in about the same shape I was at the time.  I could have made more of it all though, I could have reached out for help rather than sit here and and struggle, I am just no good at that.  I think that if people want to be there they will be, I hate asking for help!  I am a stay-at-home mom, and I guess I felt like asking for help would be like me admitting defeat, and that I had failed at doing my "job".  I know there is nothing I can do now but live for today and enjoy every moment, which I have been doing the last few months. I have had enough with sitting here waiting for Jeff to be home, just to sit here and have him be awake for a few hours then off to work.  Hell no I have parents that love me to visit, and live in a beautiful part of the country with so much for the boys to see and experience..  A part of me feels guilty for leaving and doing things like that while Jeff is stuck here working, but you know I think it is more important for this mama to stay saine and get her kids out of the house, they hate sitting here as much as I do.  I am just really disappointed with myself at the moment, and can't believe there was so much of that first six months that were a blur because I was so damn tired with no sleep, I was so frustrated with how hard things were I know there were times I didn't stop to take the time to "enjoy" things like I should have. 

Can't Wait...

I am preparing for our third, but biggest camping trip with the twins!  Last year we did take them twice, but they were just weeks old the first trip, and then a couple months the second trip, so really we didn't do a lot besides give bottles and change diapers hehehe.  This year I have taken the boys to the lake several times, and they LOVE it, but we have yet to take them camping this year.  I will be packing up the boys and heading west in a couple days and we will stay with grandma and grandpa and have some fun in the sun at the lake and in their nice big backyard, then four days later I will be making the drive back to get daddy and the camper and then the real fun begins!!!  We will have a week camping and the boys will be surrounded by nothing but family and the beautiful hills and lake, I can't imagine a better place to be for a week.  There are so many things I want to experience with the boys while we are there, but so little time.  I want to take them swimming, have campfires, take walks, build sand castles, and look at the stars and moon.  You can see so many more stars and they are so bright there just amazing to sit and see so many falling stars in one night.  Ohhh so many wishes to make with my three handsome boys!!!  This will also be our last trip in our camper, sadly we have outgrown it and it is time for an upgrade, and it will be supporting a for sale sign come tomorrow.  Don't get me wrong I am excited to get something bigger and better, this camper is our first and just carries lots of fun memories.  So time to go and finish packing and preparing for the fun weeks ahead!!!

Sometimes you have to put the camera down...

Being home all the time is really driving me crazy, so I have been trying to get away more now that all of Ethan's sports are done for a bit.  With the twins it is hard to get away, and I feel like a huge burden where ever I go, they are soooooooo much work.  I know I am always welcome at my parents and they don't mind the craziness that comes with our visits, so we pack up and head west 110 miles.  The packing sucks, the drive sucks more, but it is so worth it to have a little help and company, oh and be less than 10 miles from a gorgeous lake!  I have been going to that lake my entire life and love it, I love sharing the beauties of it with my boys and hope that they grow and appreciate it as I have.  I always say I can't wait until I have to get four camp sites, one for us and one for each of our boys and their families, oh I hope that is how it all works out for us!!!  Well a typical day for us while we are there is go in and out all day and swim, run through the sprinkler, and play in the yard, then in the evening load up and head out to the lake and play in the sand and splash in the lake.  I have a huge addiction to taking photographs, and I always scared I am going to sit my camera down and miss the cutest shot, but sometimes I just have to put the camera down and have fun and play.  Each time I go I come home with 300 to 500 photographs to sort through, I can't help myself they are such cuties *laugh*.   I couldn't pick just one or two pictures to share on my blog so I made a slide show of a few of my favorites.  I can't wait for our next trip there in a week and a half.  YEAH our big camping trip of the year, a week all together!!!  This will be our first trip of the year and I am a bit nervous on how this is going to work out with the twins sleeping without their cribs.  I know they will have fun, they love it there, they even got to the point that as soon as they see the beach and water they squirm and want down to take of and run and play.  They have it all figured out now!!!  I have so much planned and I can't even imagine the amount of photos I will come home with after this trip!

Finally Some Us...

I have thought about changing the name of this blog so many times, because really at times it just doesn't seem to fit, All About Us... and the things we love to do together.  Then I think it is about "us", we are just aren't always able to all the things "we love to do together" like we use to.  Jeff and I had a wonderful opportunity to go do something that we love to do together on our aanniversary, we took a night to camp and fish just us, with no kids.  It was the most fun I have had for what seems like forever, it was so nice just to relax and fish and spend some time together like we use to.  We even got to watch a thunderstorm roll in and I got my shots of lightening I have been wanting to get, it was an amazing time and it was great to enjoy taking some pictures and having Jeff there with me too.  I definitely think this is something we need to do more of, I am thinking at least once a month we need to get out just us and do something to get our minds off the craziness of having three kids, and Jeff's schedule that leaves him tired, and me on my own way to much and one step from insanity!!!  I know how lucky we are to be blesses with such a great and healthy family, but there are times you just need a break and get back to the basics of "just us".  We have a week long camping trip planned coming up in August and I am looking forward to spending a night fishing and enjoying some one on one time, I will be counting the days.

Fun Fun...

Finally we got daddy's car out and went for a cruise!  The boys are now 15-months-old, and this was their very first time in the Nova, and they loved it.  The last two years have been busy, for obvious reasons, so we have not even had the car out, but it was time.  Daddy stayed up late the night before getting it all ready and even though it was HOT HOT HOT out we rolled down the windows and let the wind cool them babies, they weren't missing out on the fun.  The wind was blowing their fuzzy hair and they were all smiles, and man did they jam out to Fuel (Metallica) when daddy turned the stereo on.  (Got that cute moment on video if I could ever figure out how to share the video off my new camera on my blog Grrrrrr totally drives me up the wall just load damn it!!!)  Here they are at the end of their trip playing in the drivers seat, and looking pretty comfortable there, better watch out daddy with three boys you might wanna hide those keys.  Ashton had figured out where the keys were and how to honk the horn within minutes, and Dylan watched and learned.  MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO!!  To bad it was so darn hot I really wanted to get some better pictures of my boys and daddy with the car, well that will be left for another day I guess.  But I did get thinking hmmm three boys and only two hot rods to be passed down...for now.  Grandpa's goes to Ethan, and then the Nova for one of the twins...somebody better get building.  Having three boys is awesome, but I can see all sorts of craziness and stress coming in the future, and daddy better have a big garage I can sense lots of repairs will be needed.  Having three boys ROCKS!!!  I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us. 

Precious Moments...

There are moments that may seem so trivial to some, but to a mother are monumental and totally unforgettable.  Just a few hours ago I had one of those precious moments with the twins, I was preparing to dress them for the day just as I do each day, lay out the outfits and say "which one you want" and watch them come and grab an outfit.  Really it is just funny because here they are 14 months old and I am asking which one they want *laugh*, well basically I started doing this because I couldn't decide who should wear what, silly I know, but it stuck and they seem to like it and they usually pick the same outfits each time so they apparently do have a preference, and amazingly enough they rarely pick the same so we have little arguments, but it is a first come first served type of thing :)  So here I am sitting on the floor with a blue outfit with airplanes and a orange outfit with race cars in front of me and I say "which one you want" and here comes my Mr. Dylan all smiles (he has the most precious smile and voice) and he looks right at me and says "mama" then gives me a hug, then sits on my lap and grabbed for the blue top with the airplanes on it and just sits there so sweetly.   Just as Dylan has chosen his outfit here comes my Ashton Cole with is cute little facial expressions and his hot shot walk (he has this walk he does when he is trying to be cute, as if he has to "try") and he plops down on my lap and leans his head onto my shoulder and reached for the orange top with the race cars.  So here I sit two lil' boys sitting on my lap snuggling me up and giving me love.  And what is so funny about the choice of outfits was that Ashton is my crazy run all over boy so race cars are rather fitting for him, and Dylan is my thinker.   Wow if that wasn't enough to just make my day, and even now after 14 months there are times where it is still like REALLY there are TWO of them!!!  It is a crazy feeling that I can't begin to explain, just a special feeling to have twins.  And we can't forget about Ethan, he has his moments too.  There are so many times that he walks up to me, out of the blue, and gives me a hug and says, "you are the best mom in the whole world".  AWW for a boy that is nearly 11 to do that, I must have done something right he is such a sweet boy sometimes.  Then there are the moments I hear him playing with his brothers, tickling and hugging them saying "why you got to be so cute brothers".  How sweet is that???!!!  Then there is the time that just cracked me up, he said to me, mom you know how some people think their babies are cute...but ....they aren't really, well my brothers ARE really cute right?!?!  It was so damn funny the way he said it like he didn't want to be rude and say babies aren't cute but like he really was genuinely wandering.  Got to love the questions kids come up with.  He is such a great big brother!!!  I LOVE ALL MY BOYS!!! And even though there are times I feel like I could very well go crazy, I know I am so blessed to have them all, and such a great hubby to go with it!

...

I guess that there is just something about turning 29 and having twins in the same year that will make you stop and think where am I and where the hell am I going???  If you would have asked me if I had it all figured out a few years ago I would have said yes, but now, hmmm not so sure, I never would have imagined myself here with three kids, where I am living now.  We had a home which I swore we would live in forever, and I had my oldest son which I swore would be my only!!!  WOW how things change, now I am not in that house and I have three sons! *SHOCK*  I am not sure what happen but life went all crazy on me and I didn't even really realize it until a year after it happened.  We moved from our first "home" and we added not one...but two lil' boys to our family all within the same year, oh and I graduated from college.  Doesn't really seem like that big of deal right, well to me I guess it is.  I am glad that I finally came around and agreed with Jeff that we should have "just one more", it doesn't even feel like I really accomplished school at all, and I miss our "home" like non other!!!  So maybe it is just that it all happen so close together and I didn't get to ease into any of it or absorb what the hell hit me, or maybe I just feel like for all that has changed I should have more answers as for what is to come.  Now yes our house was nice but I really think it was more the feeling of it being "home" that I miss the most.  I absolutely hate the feeling of not being home, which is how I feel now, I know I will not live here forever so I just seems like I am hanging here in limbo waiting to make a move... but where.?.  Well, I have no idea where, and that is what drives me crazy!  And as for the twins, I have discussed that before, world turned upside down, crazy busy, exhausted, ya know all that same ole stuff I have blogged before, but it really is an amazing and wonderful experience even though it did come with some damn hard challenges.  And getting to me graduating college, I don't even know how I feel about that.  I should be proud, happy, and a sense of accomplishment.  I do feel like I accomplished something, something I can tell my kids that see I did it you can too, but it was something I think I sold myself short on, and something I could have done better with.  I graduated with a diploma in Business Tech./Medical Transcription from a local community college, and it is something that I look forward to starting.  The thing about it that leaves me feeling like I sold myself short is that it was not at all a dream for me, I guess I would be prouder saying I wanted this so bad and I finally made it.  A dream for me would have been photography and journalism...which I guess I just gave up on years ago for lack of confidence of being able to make a career of it, another dream would have been a Accounting which I dropped classes for before I even started for the lack of confidence that I could do it and made so many excuses as for why I couldn't do it.  So yeah I am proud I can tell my kids I graduated college, but a bit ashamed that I tell and will tell them they can be anything they want to be and I didn't have the guts to go for it  myself.  So why the confusion, feelings of being lost, and fear of no idea where the hell I will end up???  Here I am 29, married, family of 5 and living in a town I really don't care to stay in, in a house that does not feel like "home", and I feel like I should have it all figured out, I should know just where I am headed.  But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that all the decisions we make will lead us to where we are met to be, but I just thought I would have the answers by now.  I guess I just will keep telling myself that it doesn't really matter where we are it is that we are here together as a family and that really is all that matters, and someday all this chaos will make sense, and I will someday look back and think how silly it was that all this drove me so crazy. 

I Use To...

One thing that I have struggled with since this crazy journey of being a twin mom started is being something other than just a mom of twins.  I love being mother of twins it is both the most amazing and difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but I am more than just a mom of twins.  I am a wife to the best husband a person could ever dream of having, I am a mother of a fantastic son that is almost 11, I am a person who loves to get outdoors and do anything, fish, camp, take pictures, or just get out and mess around.  Nothing drives me more crazy than being stuck in the house!!!  It has been hard to be the person I use to be, I have been stuck in the house, well I could have got out, but leaving the house comes with so many sorts of craziness only a mother of twins could begin to understand, and by the time I have the twins ready and loaded in the car seats I sit there in the driver's seat and take a deep breathe and am exhausted and just think to myself... why do I do this to myself it would be so much easier to stay home.  If I do stay home I feel guilty that I am not getting all my boys out in the world to experience things and have fun, I feel like a person that is not allowing my kids to get out because it may be a little, well maybe more like VERY, difficult for me.  I do not work outside the house, but damn I work hard inside this home to keep this family happy.  I want all my children to have great memories of things that their mom and dad took them to do, I want then to learn from it and do the same with their families.  One thing that keeps coming to mind though is I use to... there is so many things that follow that, and I think that is my main struggle.  I used to... load up and go where ever, when ever with ease, go fishing with my hubby, at the last minute decide lets load up and go camping, sit and watch each of Ethan's games without interruptions or feeling guilty that dad couldn't come because he stayed home with the twins so I wouldn't miss out, coach his soccer team without worry of who was going to watch the twins for me, go hang out at the lake and just sit and relax with no worries, be lazy on days when I didn't feel the best, sit and watch and entire movie with the family without interruptions, have time to myself to sew, scrapbook, or just think, and so many more.  So here I am no longer able to do so  many of those things with the ease I use to, but I have more.  I have two more sons to love, and make a huge impression on who they will become.  So I need to get over the past and all the things I gave up or lost, stop worrying about the future and how and if I will get them back, and focus on the more important, the here and now of it all.  The fact is I am here, and so lucky to have my three sons and my husband, and that is where I need to put my energy.  I need to strive to be the best, not mother of twins, but mother and wife that I can be.  So yes I am a mother of twins, I am a mother of three sons, I am a wife, and I am a person who loves so much and I USE TO DO so much, but now I WILL DO so much more!!!

Exploring...

     

Amazing that we have lived just a few miles from this spot for years now and never stopped to check it out.  Why???  My guess would be we thought we were to busy, or would do it another day.  Well now the boys and me are always up for an adventure.  What more do we have to do???  This place was so beautiful, these pictures don't even begin to show it, I had a baby in my arms for most of the walk so I didn't get near as many pictures as I wanted, but we WILL go back for more.  So previously I had school work, or something to keep me busy all day, now I have the twins and Ethan, and the twins get very bored just sitting around the house, as does mama, so we get out as much as we can.  We go for walks, to the park, and now good ole google is showing us some history is in the area so...LETS GO EXPLORE!!!  This place is part of the Mormon Trail, it is a gorgeous park with a pond, well several if they fill the rest of them, big pretty trees, flowers, and clay sculptures.  There was wide open spaces to run and play so the boys were off, all four of them,  Ethan brought a friend, and then of course the twins, and ya know they all went in separate directions, ugh this mama was sore the next day from carrying these lunkers all over.  It is so hard to take the twins places, but I will continue to do it, for them as well as for me!!!  We need to get out, and there is so much for us to see, and it is worth all the trouble just to see them smile and run and have fun where ever we go.  And for me, well it gives me great things to take pictures of, and then play around with later.  Oh if I only had more time I would do way more edits on my pictures, but dang I sit down and sort through my pics and before I know it it is 11:00 pm, and the boys get up around 6:00 am so much later than that and I would be hurting the next day.  I keep taking them and editing a few here and there, one day I will take some time and do something really grand with them!!!  Something about having twins and turning 29 that gets you back into 'a much loved hobby, call it a mid-life semi crisis.  Not so much a full crisis, but you realize what time you wasted, and how much more I really could have accomplished before the twins.   Now I am pretty tied down with them, and I wish I would have done more for myself when I had the chance.  Ethan was in school all day, I had my school work, but I had extra time as well, I could have been out taking all sorts of pictures, I could have been at the gym each day, I could have done so much!!!  But I didn't so here I am balancing the twins and doing things for myself, and am crazy busy trying to balance it all.  But what I have found is in the beginning I took not time for myself, it was all about the boys 24/7 and I was a wreck of a mama, and now I take time a few mornings a week to hit the gym, and I get out with the boys to walk, go to the park, or take some snapshots, and a  hour or so each night to sort through my pictures, learn more about them, and play around with a bit of editing here and there.  And you know I am a much better mama for it, and I would say wife too, I was getting a bit grumpy...poor hubby!!!

              

         

         

My lil' goofs...

Fishing for puppy...

I see you brother...

We are rocking these hats...

Just messing...

I have been waiting for a sunny day to go to the park and get some good pictures of the boys, finally it came.  We didn't have much time to play and explore, but we the boys had fun, and mama got tons of pictures.  We went to the rose garden in the park, to bad the roses weren't all bloomed yet, but it was still so pretty and there were lots of things for the boys to see and they even got a sniff of a  rose, and Dylan got to feel the rose bush.  I had daddy line them up under a trellis walkway to have them walk towards me so I could get a really sweet shot of them, well Mr. Dylan tripped and grabbed a hold of a rose bush, YIKES.  It wasn't as bad as it could have been, and he didn't fuss to much, but the poor thing got a couple of scrapes.   The picture that I am sharing with you is of them walking along, and thinking of climbing, a fountain.  The reason I chose this spot is not only because it is a really beautiful place, but when Ethan was little we took him here for a day of picture taking.  I have some cute pictures of him sitting on top of this very fountain, and playing in this area.  It is to bad I don't have them on digital to share them as well, they are so similar. 

I loved watching the boys run and play here, I hate our yard and the park where we live is far from pretty.  So it was really great to just let them run and play and get awesome pics from every angle, with no ugliness in the background. 

The Big Party...

I planned and planned for months this great big party with tons of guest and lots of fun. Now the party has come and gone, and as the night goes on Dylan and Ashton's Birthday is coming to an end as well. It was a great party with great decorations, cake, family and friends, and lots of presents, but most important two babies that have grown into little boys in this short time. Why such a big celebration??? Well there are many reasons, one is that it is a big deal to turn 1, another it was a great reason to get the family together and meet the twins and share this day of celebration with them *the more the merrier*, and really in a way it was just to celebrate that we made it and how far we have come. The sleepless nights of being up with two crying babies, not knowing what they wanted or needed, and now I have to little boys who play and "talk", and walk and run, and show so much love and it has all been worth it!!! It has been hard, it has been wonderful, it has been stressful, and it has been amazing to watch these two learn and grow in leaps and bounds. It is so qleche, but it seems like only yesterday they were propped up in their Boppy's drinking bottles every two hours, and now they are walking all over and sitting at the table having meals with the family. I swore I would not miss the baby stages, and I am not sure I would like to revisit those crazy first few months but I do wish that they weren't such a blur *exhaustion*, but I did find myself having a hard time with the thought of today ending, as if tomorrow will be any different, but it's just one more milestone that has come and gone. Silly really but it is as if they were babies yesterday but now they are 1 and are little boys. So as I kissed my boys goodnight I told them night night my birthday boys and tucked them in, knowing that there will be no more birthday planning, no more singing and cake, and now more birthday kisses for an entire year, I am sure it will be here before I know it. But we had a great day, it was lots of fun, and the party turned out great, and the year is over, we made it!! It is hard for people who don't have twins to understand just how it is (twin moms refer to the first year as survival year), and how everything instantly becomes so much more complicated, how hard it is to care for both of them AT THE SAME TIME, and how at times it felt like I couldn't give them both the amount of attention they deserve so for me a big party was in order. My boys are growing and though still things are very complicated at times I don't feel stretched so thin, they aren't as needy so I can just sit and play or read a book with them and give them each a little one on one time, which is something I struggled with in the early months. It seemed impossible one of them wanted something all the time, and at the same time, it seemed like there was no time to just sit and play, read, or sit and snuggle. So here is to the next year being even better, more fun times, more family fun times!!! I love all my boys and am really looking forward to this next year, and this summer, and being able to do more and get out more and take Ethan more places again.

My lil' Thing 1 & Thing 2

Cake Time...

My Cake Smashers...

Ashton...

Dylan...

What A Big Day...

Lots of cake, presents, and fun made these little boys very tired. As we sat and opened presents they sat on mommy and daddy's lap and watched, they played in the paper and with the toys even though they were ready for a nap. They even put their cool new shades on show off how cute they were!!!

A year ago tonight...

Tomorrow is the big day for the twins...1st Birthday!!! It is 10:00 pm, and exactly one year ago we were on the way to the hospital. I have been thinking all day about what we were doing a year ago, and how we went along the entire day with no idea what events would follow that night. I can't remember what we did that day, but I can remember that night very well. We were doing what we did most nights when Jeff was home, laying in bed watching TV, that is about all I could do at that point, and even that was uncomfortable. I could not stay awake for anything so I was dozing off and then I jumped a bit, Jeff asked me why I did that. I told him one of the babies kicked me really funny and it woke me up, well come to find out it wasn't a kick. Ready or not they were on their way!!! Jeff got Ethan out of bed and carried him to the Suburban and we off, off so fast we forgot to grab Ethan shoes*oops*. Ethan stayed at grandma's while we were waiting for his new brothers to arrive. We got to the hospital and I was a bit nervous to say the least, I had no idea what was going to happen, when, or how long it was going to take. I got in a room and got settled in and from there it just seemed like no time at all and next thing I new there we were it was time to finally meet our 2 little monkeys. I was hoping and kind of expecting things to go smoothly and there was no way anybody was sticking a needle into my spine, yeah that was a bad idea. Dylan came to meet the us at 3:31 am he oh what a cutie he was and what a relief it was to see him, but then we got the news that Ashton had flipped and they were going to have to put me under for an emergency Cesarean. I was petrified of having a Cesarean but at this point I was so tired, and the anesthesiologist kept telling me they were going to put me out, I remember at one point telling her I was ready. I was tired, in major pain, and ready to be knocked out. Ashton came at 3:46 am, but the poor boy wasn't met by his mama or his daddy who got kicked out of the operating room for the procedure *sad*. I am not sure what time it was when I finally woke up to meet them, but I remember being half awake and having Jeff put them next to me I couldn't even hold them but it was wonderful just to see them. So that is what this family was up to a year ago tonight!

Another One of Ethan...

Every time I blog I look for some shots of Ethan, but have a hard time finding them due to him being off with the guys most the time. Today I got a good one!!! We went to the Camp Pawnee to check out the place again before the twins' birthday party to see what all we need to decorate, and while we were there we took some time to play around and shoot some pictures. I had my nieces with me as well, so they were running around and hiding behind the trees, I knew if I shot enough I would catch an AWESOME shot of Ethan, and I did, and some of my nieces as well. A little background on me and my picture taking is in order I think. Well I take tons of pictures at ever event, or place we go. We go on a walk and I grab my camera, we go in the backyard to play, yup the camera goes too. I have so many pictures I take literally hundreds, some times thousands in a month, depending on what we do in a month. Oh and if we go camping or fishing there may be a hundred in one day. Anyways I have always loved taking pictures, if I could pick a dream job... photography would be it. Now I have tons and tons of pictures on my computer and what to do with them??? I started this blog to share pictures and stories of things that we do as a family, and plan to print it into a hardbound book each year, which this year has been more about surviving with the twins, but I just started photo editing. So far I am loving playing around with my pictures to make them more original and be a little more exciting.

SLURP...

We have now learned that food is also fun!!! First came learning to slurp, oh yeah that was funny to watch brother and laugh, then it was even funnier to slurp it and then spit it out and re-slurp it. And wow do they think each other is so funny. They giggle and giggle it is the cutest thing. But now meals have taken on an entire new dynamic...PLAYTIME!!!

Ethan...

Ethan does not have many pictures on here so I will throw this one in. Why you ask, well he is 10 and has way more important things to do than hang around letting mom get cute pics of him. He is usually off playing football or baseball with his friends while the babies are posing for pics in the park. One day they will play with each other more, I can't wait. He is a great big brother to his little brothers. I am so proud of the way he is with them and the sweet things he says. The best thing ever he has said was a conversation we had about when they all get older and the relationship that they will have. I told him that I hope that they would be the best of friends and do lots of things together, even after they all have families ( I know so many years away), he looked at me and said "oh we will mom", like duh mom how else would it be. I can only hope that is how it all works out for my three wonderful boys.

The Best Part...

We have made many trips to that park. We walk in the park, we go down the slide at the park, we play in the grass at the park... but the best part it always the same, SWINGS!!! When pushed they laugh, when you stop they just look around at each other and all that is around them, and they smile and "talk" to each other. It really is one of the sweetest things you could ever see.

The Little Things...

It just amazes me to watch them learn and explore!!!

Everything is such a wander in their eyes!!!

Oh really...

Mom and Dad bought this

to give us something

to climb other than the couch!!
But we actually have little interest in playing on it, we just play around it and try to eat stuff on the ground.