Friday, April 27, 2012
Here I am again, weeks since my last post. I'm tired, have a stack of laundry, soccer stuff to take care of, a stack of pictures to put in albums, and the list goes on, but I am making the time to blog! I had to get this one down, just what I am thinking today just has to be in my record of my crazy journey as a mom of three. Today it's all to real just how fast time goes, just how much I take for granted, and no matter how much I try to tell myself that I won't miss these crazy days filled with chaos, I WILL. There are days that I tell myself I just want a couple of hours to myself, a couple hours to do something with no interruptions, a couple hours to do nothing, to do some photography, to work, just something other than listen to screaming, fighting, and all that other crazy business that fill my days. Well be careful what you wish for, the time is nearly here when I get them couple hours EVERYDAY! I should be ecstatic, right? I'm not, not at all. It saddens me that the time has come for my little babies to go to school, to go out and get their start out in the world without their mommy by their side. Maybe it's the stay-at-home mom in me, maybe it's the guilt of missing that one on one time that you just can't get when you have twins, but I feel like I am just no where near ready for this step. There is just so much more I want to do, so many more days of fun to be had. There are days I just want a moment to myself, but there a so many days I feel I am blessed to have the opportunity to be at home with them, no job in the way of that sunny day, that day at the park, or that day of just lounging around building train tracks and reading books. I know there are days wasted where I have heard one to many tantrums and don't have the energy to chase them around getting ready, to get them loaded up in the Suburban to take them somewhere so we waste that day being grumpy sitting at home. I guess it is those days I am focusing on, those days I let that fun be missed, I let the negative things fill my mind and little fun was had by us all. I know it's only two hours a few days a week, but then it's all day, then it's middle school, sports, rushing here to this practice, and that event. Ugh it just gets so busy so fast, time flies, and before you know it, little things don't amuse them, chasing the butterflies in the sun doesn't entertain them or put a smile on there face, reading a book sitting on mom's lap just doesn't sound appealing, and a day with mom is like torture. Speaking from experience here, Ethan is nearly 13 and the last thing he wants is mom hanging with him, we have no down time, it's rushing to school, practices, and then a conversation with mom gets thrown on the back burner to chat with friends online or text NONSTOP! I know they are ready, they had so much fun playing with the other kids. When I walked them to the room and left them with their teacher while I went to sign them up, they didn't miss me, they didn't look for me or cling to me crying for me to stay. I guess I expected that, don't get me wrong that's a good thing I know, it's just me not being ready, it's me feeling guilty for letting so many moments slip away just taking for granted tomorrow will always be there. So here I am just thinking of how I am going to make this summer "count". I'm going to take this as a wake up call that we are going to let less moments slip but and take more time to have fun and enjoy being together. I'm going to take my boys more places, we are going to see more things, and have more fun, we are going to spend more time at the lake making memories and enjoying all those little things!!! Now come next August I'm going to miss them, I'm going to go through all these crazy feelings all over, God I can't imagine how I'll be when the time is really here, look at me now and it was one hour for sign up. Really I guess I need to just laugh at myself for being all crazy and scared of all the missed time in the past and seizing all the future moments, it's just preschool. It's just I know how fast time goes, and how fast that preschooler becomes a teenager in a blink of an eye, and I am just not ready for that, not ready for all my boys to grow up so fast knowing I can do more, I have to do more, to make these days memorable to them. Just one more reason I am a picture taking junkie, I just can't stand to see a moment slip by unrecorded. I want all my boys to remember fun and great times, to enjoy little things, to understand the importance of our family bond, to not take our time together for granted as we all do at times. So my household duties await me, I just I had to get this one down and out there.