Next stop....Preschool!!!

Here I am again, weeks since my last post.  I'm tired, have a stack of laundry, soccer stuff to take care of, a stack of pictures to put in albums, and the list goes on, but I am making the time to blog!  I had to get this one down, just what I am thinking today just has to be in my record of my crazy journey as a mom of three.  Today it's all to real just how fast time goes, just how much I take for granted, and no matter how much I try to tell myself that I won't miss these crazy days filled with chaos, I WILL.  There are days that I tell myself I just want a couple of hours to myself, a couple hours to do something with no interruptions, a couple hours to do nothing, to do some photography, to work, just something other than listen to screaming, fighting, and all that other crazy business that fill my days.  Well be careful what you wish for, the time is nearly here when I get them couple hours EVERYDAY!  I should be ecstatic, right?  I'm not, not at all.  It saddens me that the time has come for my little babies to go to school, to go out and get their start out in the world without their mommy by their side.  Maybe it's the stay-at-home mom in me, maybe it's the guilt of missing that one on one time that you just can't get when you have twins, but I feel like I am just no where near ready for this step.   There is just so much more I want to do, so many more days of fun to be had.  There are days I just want a moment to myself, but there a so many days I feel I am blessed to have the opportunity to be at home with them, no job in the way of that sunny day, that day at the park, or that day of just lounging around building train tracks and reading books.  I know there are days wasted where I have heard one to many tantrums and don't have the energy to chase them around getting ready, to get them loaded up in the Suburban to take them somewhere so we waste that day being grumpy sitting at home.  I guess it is those days I am focusing on, those days I let that fun be missed, I let the negative things fill my mind and little fun was had by us all.  I know it's only two hours a few days a week, but then it's all day, then it's middle school, sports, rushing here to this practice, and that event.  Ugh it just gets so busy so fast, time flies, and before you know it, little things don't amuse them, chasing the butterflies in the sun doesn't entertain them or put a smile on there face, reading a book sitting on mom's lap just doesn't sound appealing, and a day with mom is like torture.  Speaking from experience here, Ethan is nearly 13 and the last thing he wants is mom hanging with him, we have no down time, it's rushing to school, practices, and then a conversation with mom gets thrown on the back burner to chat with friends online or text NONSTOP!  I know they are ready, they had so much fun playing with the other kids.  When I walked them to the room and left them with their teacher while I went to sign them up, they didn't miss me, they didn't look for me or cling to me crying for me to stay.  I guess I expected that, don't get me wrong that's a good thing I know, it's just me not being ready, it's me feeling guilty for letting so many moments slip away just taking for granted tomorrow will always be there.  So here I am just thinking of how I am going to make this summer "count".  I'm going to take this as a wake up call that we are going to let less moments slip but and take more time to have fun and enjoy being together.  I'm going to take my boys more places, we are going to see more things, and have more fun, we are going to spend more time at the lake making memories and enjoying all those little things!!!  Now come next  August I'm going to miss them, I'm going to go through all these crazy feelings all over, God I can't imagine how I'll be when the time is really here, look at me now and it was one hour for sign up.  Really I guess I need to just laugh at myself for being all crazy and scared of all the missed time in the past and seizing all the future moments, it's just preschool.  It's just I know how fast time goes, and how fast that preschooler becomes a teenager in a blink of an eye, and I am just not ready for that, not ready for all my boys to grow up so fast knowing I can do more, I have to do more, to make these days memorable to them.  Just one more reason I am a picture taking junkie, I just can't stand to see a moment slip by unrecorded.  I want all my boys to remember fun and great times, to enjoy little things, to understand the importance of our family bond, to not take our time together for granted as we all do at times.  So my household duties await me, I just I had to get this one down and out there.   

A Kiss Goodnight...

So I am still not keeping caught up!!  I have to make time for this story...

The day was rough, I am sick and have not slept in nights, the boys were not on their best behavior today to say the least.  This evening came and a calm just came over the house, a very very much needed calm!!!  It was such a nice peaceful evening filled with playing with cars, snuggles, puzzle time, and there was no running from mom at bedtime potty time and teeth brushing, WOW THAT NEVER HAPPENS!!  I told them beings they were so good at getting ready for bed we could read extra books (we read 8!!!)  One of the books they picked was A Kiss Goodnight.  I love this book I can remember reading this to Ethan so many years ago :(  The boys were sitting so nicely on each side of me so attentive soaking in every bit of it, waiting to see just what Sam was waiting for, a goodnight kiss of course.  After reading a few more books we sat on the couch continuing with this odd sort of calm and sweetness, and Dylan looks at me and whispers, "mom, I can't go to sleep."  I looked at him thinking oh no maybe that nap this afternoon was a bad idea, and asked "why", scared of the reply I may get.  He answered back with the cutest smile and eye flutter, "because I am waiting."  Awe that just warmed my heart and soul, at that moment all the crazness and stress of the day just left my body and all was perfect in that moment!  One mother of twins told me long ago, around 8 months of not sleeping more than two hours straight, God never gives us more than we can't handle.  You know there is rarely a day that goes by that I don't think of this, and I think God perhaps gave me more credit that was due some days.  Today was that sort of day, just wandering what on earth I have gotten myself into with these two wild ones.  I have to think that sweet moments like these have been little reminders from God, he saw I was struggling today and sent this sign to me.  A sort of keep your head up mama, they may not show their sweet side all the time, but it is in there.  So here is hoping for a great tomorrow, and many many more moments like these.

Best Friends...

Here I am again, months since I have posted anything.  I swore I wouldn't neglect my blog again, but I got busy doing this and that's and my "I WILL blog tonight, well tomorrow night;" has turned into once again MONTHS!!!  Well needless to say I have tons of pictures to show, a million new things to share, and there have been many unrecorded milestones hit.  But here I am, finally, and so unsure of where to even start...

I guess I will give up on getting caught up, maybe I will add a little here and there that are from months previous, but this post is for today!  My plan for my blog has always been to record my thoughts and a few of my favorite pictures (there are way to many to share all my pictures :) ), and publish it for each of my boys.  So here is a very important story I do not want t forget and want to share with the twins someday...

My story starts this fine Spring day about 11:00 am.  We woke up to find that we were about to experience the first warm day of the season, and decided we need not waste this opportunity to get out and enjoy it.  Today was Ethan's first day back from Spring break so he missed out, but me and the twins headed out for the park.  So we arrive at the park, and I tell you this was some of the cutest play and pretending I have ever saw from these two!  They were running up the stairs and over the bridge to the "spooky dark tunnel slide" as fast as their little legs could carry them.  They laughed and had the most adorable conversations about ghosts and spooky this and that's, I was intrigued by where on earth they come up with these great imaginative stories.  I just stood there saying nothing, just listening and watching with the biggest smile, then a little girl came up to play with them.  They did what seem to be some sort of toddler like introductions, very cute, nor me or the girl's father had the slightest clue what they had said to each other but they all seemed to get one another just fine.  Off they went running and carrying on with the spooky ghost and such, running up the stairs and going down the spooky dark tunnel slide, then it happened, Dylan and the little girl ran up the stairs and did not follow Ashton to the dark tunnel slide, but went off in the other direction to another slide.  Ashton made it all the way across and to the slide before he noticed he was all alone, he went down the slide a little less enthusiastically with no stories of ghosts, then up the stairs with a slight pause as he saw Dylan and the little girl playing on the other slide, he carried on to the "dark tunnel" all alone and went down with even less enthusiasm.  This time he did not pop out the bottom and dash to the stairs, but sat their for a moment, then hung his head.  I walked up to him, he looked up, I asked "what baby boy?"  Just sitting there a moment he finally answered in the most sad little tone "Dylan leave me", not even looking up at me.  Heartbreaking, but cute, I walked up to Dylan and told him that brother was feeling a little sad and alone.  Dylan looked at me a bit confused, then ran over to Ashton and grabbed his hand and said,  "I sorry", and pulled him up.  They walked off to the stairs and all played together, but Ashton was not liking sharing the attention of his brother, and now more clear than ever, best friend.  It was a great day full of fun, and no matter how much time I spend with my boys, they never run out of ways to show me that I truly am blessed to have twins.  There will always be a special connection with them, and no matter how much they may fight some days, they will always be each others best friend for life!  Well that was what was on my mind at the moment, I have so much more to share and no time so I am off for now but hoping to return very soon!!!