Next stop....Preschool!!!

Here I am again, weeks since my last post.  I'm tired, have a stack of laundry, soccer stuff to take care of, a stack of pictures to put in albums, and the list goes on, but I am making the time to blog!  I had to get this one down, just what I am thinking today just has to be in my record of my crazy journey as a mom of three.  Today it's all to real just how fast time goes, just how much I take for granted, and no matter how much I try to tell myself that I won't miss these crazy days filled with chaos, I WILL.  There are days that I tell myself I just want a couple of hours to myself, a couple hours to do something with no interruptions, a couple hours to do nothing, to do some photography, to work, just something other than listen to screaming, fighting, and all that other crazy business that fill my days.  Well be careful what you wish for, the time is nearly here when I get them couple hours EVERYDAY!  I should be ecstatic, right?  I'm not, not at all.  It saddens me that the time has come for my little babies to go to school, to go out and get their start out in the world without their mommy by their side.  Maybe it's the stay-at-home mom in me, maybe it's the guilt of missing that one on one time that you just can't get when you have twins, but I feel like I am just no where near ready for this step.   There is just so much more I want to do, so many more days of fun to be had.  There are days I just want a moment to myself, but there a so many days I feel I am blessed to have the opportunity to be at home with them, no job in the way of that sunny day, that day at the park, or that day of just lounging around building train tracks and reading books.  I know there are days wasted where I have heard one to many tantrums and don't have the energy to chase them around getting ready, to get them loaded up in the Suburban to take them somewhere so we waste that day being grumpy sitting at home.  I guess it is those days I am focusing on, those days I let that fun be missed, I let the negative things fill my mind and little fun was had by us all.  I know it's only two hours a few days a week, but then it's all day, then it's middle school, sports, rushing here to this practice, and that event.  Ugh it just gets so busy so fast, time flies, and before you know it, little things don't amuse them, chasing the butterflies in the sun doesn't entertain them or put a smile on there face, reading a book sitting on mom's lap just doesn't sound appealing, and a day with mom is like torture.  Speaking from experience here, Ethan is nearly 13 and the last thing he wants is mom hanging with him, we have no down time, it's rushing to school, practices, and then a conversation with mom gets thrown on the back burner to chat with friends online or text NONSTOP!  I know they are ready, they had so much fun playing with the other kids.  When I walked them to the room and left them with their teacher while I went to sign them up, they didn't miss me, they didn't look for me or cling to me crying for me to stay.  I guess I expected that, don't get me wrong that's a good thing I know, it's just me not being ready, it's me feeling guilty for letting so many moments slip away just taking for granted tomorrow will always be there.  So here I am just thinking of how I am going to make this summer "count".  I'm going to take this as a wake up call that we are going to let less moments slip but and take more time to have fun and enjoy being together.  I'm going to take my boys more places, we are going to see more things, and have more fun, we are going to spend more time at the lake making memories and enjoying all those little things!!!  Now come next  August I'm going to miss them, I'm going to go through all these crazy feelings all over, God I can't imagine how I'll be when the time is really here, look at me now and it was one hour for sign up.  Really I guess I need to just laugh at myself for being all crazy and scared of all the missed time in the past and seizing all the future moments, it's just preschool.  It's just I know how fast time goes, and how fast that preschooler becomes a teenager in a blink of an eye, and I am just not ready for that, not ready for all my boys to grow up so fast knowing I can do more, I have to do more, to make these days memorable to them.  Just one more reason I am a picture taking junkie, I just can't stand to see a moment slip by unrecorded.  I want all my boys to remember fun and great times, to enjoy little things, to understand the importance of our family bond, to not take our time together for granted as we all do at times.  So my household duties await me, I just I had to get this one down and out there.   

A Kiss Goodnight...

So I am still not keeping caught up!!  I have to make time for this story...

The day was rough, I am sick and have not slept in nights, the boys were not on their best behavior today to say the least.  This evening came and a calm just came over the house, a very very much needed calm!!!  It was such a nice peaceful evening filled with playing with cars, snuggles, puzzle time, and there was no running from mom at bedtime potty time and teeth brushing, WOW THAT NEVER HAPPENS!!  I told them beings they were so good at getting ready for bed we could read extra books (we read 8!!!)  One of the books they picked was A Kiss Goodnight.  I love this book I can remember reading this to Ethan so many years ago :(  The boys were sitting so nicely on each side of me so attentive soaking in every bit of it, waiting to see just what Sam was waiting for, a goodnight kiss of course.  After reading a few more books we sat on the couch continuing with this odd sort of calm and sweetness, and Dylan looks at me and whispers, "mom, I can't go to sleep."  I looked at him thinking oh no maybe that nap this afternoon was a bad idea, and asked "why", scared of the reply I may get.  He answered back with the cutest smile and eye flutter, "because I am waiting."  Awe that just warmed my heart and soul, at that moment all the crazness and stress of the day just left my body and all was perfect in that moment!  One mother of twins told me long ago, around 8 months of not sleeping more than two hours straight, God never gives us more than we can't handle.  You know there is rarely a day that goes by that I don't think of this, and I think God perhaps gave me more credit that was due some days.  Today was that sort of day, just wandering what on earth I have gotten myself into with these two wild ones.  I have to think that sweet moments like these have been little reminders from God, he saw I was struggling today and sent this sign to me.  A sort of keep your head up mama, they may not show their sweet side all the time, but it is in there.  So here is hoping for a great tomorrow, and many many more moments like these.

Best Friends...

Here I am again, months since I have posted anything.  I swore I wouldn't neglect my blog again, but I got busy doing this and that's and my "I WILL blog tonight, well tomorrow night;" has turned into once again MONTHS!!!  Well needless to say I have tons of pictures to show, a million new things to share, and there have been many unrecorded milestones hit.  But here I am, finally, and so unsure of where to even start...

I guess I will give up on getting caught up, maybe I will add a little here and there that are from months previous, but this post is for today!  My plan for my blog has always been to record my thoughts and a few of my favorite pictures (there are way to many to share all my pictures :) ), and publish it for each of my boys.  So here is a very important story I do not want t forget and want to share with the twins someday...

My story starts this fine Spring day about 11:00 am.  We woke up to find that we were about to experience the first warm day of the season, and decided we need not waste this opportunity to get out and enjoy it.  Today was Ethan's first day back from Spring break so he missed out, but me and the twins headed out for the park.  So we arrive at the park, and I tell you this was some of the cutest play and pretending I have ever saw from these two!  They were running up the stairs and over the bridge to the "spooky dark tunnel slide" as fast as their little legs could carry them.  They laughed and had the most adorable conversations about ghosts and spooky this and that's, I was intrigued by where on earth they come up with these great imaginative stories.  I just stood there saying nothing, just listening and watching with the biggest smile, then a little girl came up to play with them.  They did what seem to be some sort of toddler like introductions, very cute, nor me or the girl's father had the slightest clue what they had said to each other but they all seemed to get one another just fine.  Off they went running and carrying on with the spooky ghost and such, running up the stairs and going down the spooky dark tunnel slide, then it happened, Dylan and the little girl ran up the stairs and did not follow Ashton to the dark tunnel slide, but went off in the other direction to another slide.  Ashton made it all the way across and to the slide before he noticed he was all alone, he went down the slide a little less enthusiastically with no stories of ghosts, then up the stairs with a slight pause as he saw Dylan and the little girl playing on the other slide, he carried on to the "dark tunnel" all alone and went down with even less enthusiasm.  This time he did not pop out the bottom and dash to the stairs, but sat their for a moment, then hung his head.  I walked up to him, he looked up, I asked "what baby boy?"  Just sitting there a moment he finally answered in the most sad little tone "Dylan leave me", not even looking up at me.  Heartbreaking, but cute, I walked up to Dylan and told him that brother was feeling a little sad and alone.  Dylan looked at me a bit confused, then ran over to Ashton and grabbed his hand and said,  "I sorry", and pulled him up.  They walked off to the stairs and all played together, but Ashton was not liking sharing the attention of his brother, and now more clear than ever, best friend.  It was a great day full of fun, and no matter how much time I spend with my boys, they never run out of ways to show me that I truly am blessed to have twins.  There will always be a special connection with them, and no matter how much they may fight some days, they will always be each others best friend for life!  Well that was what was on my mind at the moment, I have so much more to share and no time so I am off for now but hoping to return very soon!!!

More Birthday shots...

Birthday #2...

Wow a little slow on the post here, and now doing so great on getting caught up either! The twins had their second birthday party at the same place we held their 1st, at a beautiful camping area with lots of wide open space for all to run! We had the party on May 8, and I was so worried of it being cold or raining, um it was almost 90 degrees. As you can see in the picture the boys were warm and rosy cheeked, as was everybody else. I had a camping theme all drummed up, but I didn't get the supplies ordered in time, and we didn't get our camper ready in time either; a common occurrence around here for the last two years, things going undone!!! But the boys were so into Toy Story (watched it more times a day than I can count) so that was our theme, we still did the campfire, which wasn't as appealing as I had planned for 60 or 70 degree weather but still fun, we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, played sand volleyball, did some fishing, and had a great afternoon and evening with the family playing games and getting caught up. I am one to take advantage of family time, if I have everybody gathered for a birthday party, I'm going to do all I can to make it fun for everybody, because we don't all gather near as much as we should. I love getting all the cousins together and letting them spend a day together, it's all about the kids for me.

May...

We love May, gorgeous weather and BIRTHDAY time!!! Digging in flower pot fun and fishing fun pictures with daddy!!! Birthday post to come next!

Easter...

Here is my Easter update! Just some pictures of the twins hunting eggs. We do a big family hunt with plastic eggs and candy, but then we did a little hunt with just mommy, daddy, and big brother with real eggs that we dyed. Oh my they smashed them as fast as they hunted them, and the dog was right there below them to snab up all the egg crumbs. Short and sweet once again, just getting caught up here.

Strike a Pose...

Just a couple of close-ups I found. Funny you can see their personalities shine through in pictures. Dylan (top) is such a serious lil' guy, and Ashton is such a flirt.

Getting Caught Up...

Where oh where do I begin? I guess I will pick up in March with a few of the pictures I found. Here March is the beginning of nice weather so we try to get out as much as we can, getting out comes with running wild toddlers so we are limited on where we can go. Near us there is a historical site that is nothing but trees and grass with lots of open space to run and explore. There are tons of wild turkeys and peacock wandering around so one of our games is feather hunting. Silly little game but it keeps them from just running off, and they seem to like it, and it keeps them close to me so I LOVE it! I just have to wander what they think while they are exploring, all the things they see and touch, all new and fun things for them. They pick up everything and we usually end up with several feathers and flowers and weeds that just have to come home with us. When I think back to these pictures I remember that this was one of the first times that they really showed an interest in picking everything up and seemed to be such curious little boys scavenging around in the great outdoors. I am going to keep this short and sweet and head back to the picture disaster and start working on finding my next post. So keep reading, hopefully I will get caught up on 2011 before 2012 rolls in.

WTH how did time fly so damn fast...

So here I am for the first time in months, ugh. I've told myself I need to get to my blog and my pictures, but ya see I have these two little guys that take up all my day and at times my nights as well, and I just have no energy for things past the have to do's like cooking, laundry, and cleaning. Well I am making the time!!! I have months of stories and pictures to share, and how in the hell am I ever going to get caught back up?!? I guess just jump in!!! So the boys are a little over two, we had our "camping" birthday party, yearly camping trip, lots of lake fun this summer, I am moving from assistant registrar to head registrar for our soccer region faster than expected, and now are just in the back to school swing of things. Ethan has started Jr. High football, which I was really nervous about, but he is loving it and seems to be doing great. I guess you just always think of you kids and "little" and things like football just scare a mama :(. Oh and he has to ride the bus each morning, holy freaking hell I am petrified of buses, they scare me and there are no seat belts!!! I know they say they are built to be safe without the seat belts but I tell ya I'm really liking the newer ones that have them. Hmmmm what else...well there is tons, I just have no idea where to start without spending hours at this laptop. I guess I could give a update on my photography, ugh busy mama + busy children =very little photography time. Really that is the saddest thing to me. The last few months I just haven't allowed myself time for what I love to do. I think about it each day, I tell myself I will make time, and then I go all day chasing toddlers, dealing with pre-teen drama, and realize I'm just to tired to attempt doing anything extra, oh and the twins do not stop running long enough for me to capture a decent shot! I do have hundreds of pictures of the kids, and tons of things we have done to share, and a few decent photographs to share, it will take me a little time to get it all caught up! So stick around because I am back to blogging and I swear my photography needs a part in my life, no matter how hard it is to find the time, I just love and miss it so much!

More Snow Fun...

Breaking out the sled this snow! Dylan loved it, he just giggled the entire time, where Ashton wanted daddy to hold him most the time. Playing in the sled or being held by daddy, either way, I think I have two of the cutest lil' snow babies ever!!!

No...

It would seem it is only natural they would catch on to "no" beings they hear it more than anything else throughout each day, but oh dear I am not ready for this.  So I have just accepted that each day brings something new and "interesting", for lack of a better word, but this cute but aggravating new trick could just drive this mama insane.  I tell them "no", and they look at me and say "no" and keep doing what ever it is they are doing.   Awww come on boys, lets sing a different tune just one day, and listen to what mama has to say, really it is important!  So now not only do I have two, very adorable but very naughty lil' boys, getting into everything they shouldn't, but now when I tell them no, they think they need to tell me no.  Oh geesh life just gets more and more interesting as the days go on.  I know you all think this is funny and have surly got a chuckle out of this story already, but living this is sure to be a nightmare, frustration levels run high anyway because they refuse to listen to me, and get into everything imaginable and several things you can't even begin to imagine.  I still think nobody can even begin to understand what a day is like in my shoes, really do other kids act like this?.?.?.?  No way, it isn't possible *laugh*.  I never imagined anything like this, such wild, active, naughty, not listening lil' toddlers.  I guess I was spoiled with Ethan and his good happy go lucky behavior.  I guess one thing is for sure, I can't say I am bored, life never has a dull moment for me, heck I pray for dull moments!  These are things all children do, but with two it just seems to be a little crazier to deal with.  Some people look at me like what is the big deal, yeah those people have never had two toddlers at one time, but no lie dealing with two is crazy difficult, even the simplest things are difficult.  Loading up to go somewhere, no biggy with one, now with two different story; A baby on each hip (they would run off in separate directions otherwise) a bag full of "just in case"(I over pack, but when I don't it always ends in disaster!), not the grab a baby and throw a bag over your shoulder you would imagine with just one.  Oh and don't forget the actual car seat fiasco, ugh one fights you, while the other climbs throughout the car, and don't dare put a cup of coffee in the front because the second one to be buckled in will surely find that and spill in on the gray carpet on mama's Suburban for sure.  Just the moments of my life that people have no clue about, but they are my moments and no matter how crazy they are, or how much I may seem to complain, I love every single moment!

Winter Wonders...

Finally Snow...

Mid-January and FINALLY some snow to go explore!! Dylan took one step out and plopped on his back and just smiled, Ashton dove right into shoveling. They had tons and tons of fun with big brother Ethan, while Ethan and a friend dug tunnles in the yard. Now Ethan and his friend lasted for over an hour, the twins on the other had had about 20 minutes of snow fun and had rosey cheeks so mama made them come in. And we can all guess what that led to...TANTRUM! More snow fun was what they thought they needed, ugh another day boys. I was really looking forward to sledding with the boys this year, but with the below zero temps we are not able to go out in search of that perfect hill, hopefully we will have a warmer day with daddy home before it melts away.

Times Two...

Why do I take as many photographs as I do? Simple I have an obsession with letting a single moment slip by unrecorded. Here is a sample of one of those moments, one that years from now I may have forgotten, but by taking this photo I will always remember just how precious the twins were on there first ride out on their new tricycles they got for Christmas! All the craziness that has poured into my life the last couple of years will not easily be forgotten, but moments like these are ones that should be remembered forever. Each day something new for them, so many undiscovered things, that something as simple as taking a ride on their trikes filled their minds with wonder as they explored one of the new fun things of toddler hood. So I guess I can take all the guff that I get when I say just wait I want one more shot, I know once laid out in print they always understand and appreciate the moment that I have captured. And as look through my photos and begin to do the hours of sorting, saving, and backing up, I get to relive the precious moments and the chaos of the day seems to fade from my mind as it is filled with awe and amazement on just how precious and wonderful my life is.

Where to go from here...

Many of times I have heard so many twin moms say they have "lost" themselves along this crazy journey of twin motherhood, it is understandable and so very saddening.  I think I have covered this before, but it is something that pops in and out of our minds frequently, so what the hell here we go again.  What makes this ugly lil' monster rear its head today?  Hmm where do I start?  First you have the holiday stress, then you have the New Year...New beginnings, then do I dare admit this.... ugh turning 30 soon!  Needless to say my mind has not stopped for months now, and really it is doing me no good thinking about it, but I just can't shut it off.  So here I am rambling on my blog to my fellow twin mama readers, because they are sure to know just what I am talking about.  First no I am not "lost", as I said I have covered this before in one fine quote, "Life is not about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself".  My new motto, and what gets my mind back into positive mode, amazing how one sentence can be so empowering.  Here it is all laid out, first off all holidays are just crazy stressful, enough said there.  New Year...New beginnings, ugh now that is depressing because last year wasn't that great and we are only into this year four days and it seems as though it is running pretty much parallel to the last.  I know, I know, it could be worse, I am grateful, I know I have it pretty good, and not much I should really complain about, minus all the damn stress and craziness that goes in and out of all my days!  I am hoping this year is better, or I guess, different would be a better term.  Less stress with the twinadoes would be great, Jeff having better hours would really help tremendously, and a move would be great!  I am no loven' where I am at, no feeling the hours Jeff works, and the twins...holy crap they are wearing this mama down FAST!  I don't get where they come up with the things they do, I find myself saying "NO" a million times a day, followed by "Things would be so much simpler if you would just be nice to brother, and listen to mama".  Really simple concept, they just haven't caught on yet. *ugh, soon hopefully*  Okay time to the big bomb!!!  TURNING 30 in just over a month.  For those who know me would know I have been dreading this day since I turned 23, yes 23 was my wake up call that those years are just gonna keep rolling at me.  I am not ready to say I am *gulp* 30.  All these things are just a reminder that time passes, and with passing time there is always wasted time.  Time that could have been better spent and more opportunities that I let pass me by.  Funny how it all works now that I look back on it all, it is like that commercial for college that says "I don't have any money because I don't have a job, I don't have a job, because I never went to college, I can't go to college because I don't have any money."  So what did I do, work, then I finally realized that was getting me nowhere so I went back to school, then had twins, and still nowhere.  Okay it isn't as bad as that sounds but still there is regret.  I wish I would have asked myself what I wanted out of life, what direction I wanted it to go.  Really come on what was I thinking?  Clearly I wasn't thinking much beyond the end of that week, stupid me!  Had I just asked myself that I could have totally redirected my path to a much brighter present.  Now this is all sounding pretty gloom, it isn't that bad.  Life is good, family is great, but my dreams have been long lost and now I am turning 30 and all I can do is blame myself, and think of what could have been with some better planning.  My family now no way I would change that, but I can tell you this mama would have a photography business, and would have moved from this area years ago.  No sense in dwelling on it, though I find it hard not to, just need to move on and make up for lost time!  I guess even at 30 a mama can reach out for her dreams, it is much harder, but hey I have twins...NOTHING SCARES ME, well except for turning 30.  Really not much to change just relocate and a hobby to pursue, easy huh.  Thankful that I have a wonderful husband beside me, and three amazing and healthy sons right there with us!  Really what more do I need, nothing but me standing in my way, so this New years new beginnings are about seizing every opprotunity and not letting one precious moment pass me by!

Each day brings something new...

During my journey of being a twin mom I have had many new lessons to motherhood.  Ethan was never this much work, never so destructive and into everything.  With these two I have had to completely rearrange my life and my house, nothings is left untouched.  I have put things away, I have packed things and put them into storage, I have moved, stacked, put up high, ugh I swear I am so sick of moving things from here to there just for them to find them in the end anyways.  So what is our newest of frustrations...Mr. Dylan climbing out of his crib.  Oh my word what next!?!?  I am at a total loss, I do not think they are ready for toddler beds, and I know I AM NOT!  They are far from listening, and now my one days moment of peace is gone, I can no longer put them in bed and just relax, I am on edge scared he will fall out to the point I swear I woke up over a dozen times last night.  Now I have to toddler proof one more room... theirs, shelves need to be acred to the walls, and the top of the shelf cleared.  I know who doesn't toddler proof their room, well me I guess they never play in there, and we don't keep their toys in there, just cribs and clothes.  One more thing for this mama to do, and one more thing to frazzle me.  I swear they have aged me 10 years at least, ugh TWINS YA GOT TO LOVE EM'!

Almost Christmas...

We are almost there...CHRISTMAS 2010!!!  I can't wait to watch all my boys open their presents this year!  Christmas is my favorite time of year, decorating the tree, the house, baking, and eagerly waiting to see the kids open their presents.  This year it feels a bit different though, no presents under the tree, no baking going on, and no snow.  Here we are mid December and only a touch of snow on the ground, only a couple days of cold weather, and we don't dare put presents under the tree because the twinadoes would shred the paper worse than they are shredding mamas Christmas tree!!!  We are going through a tough time here with the twins not listening and getting into everything.  It takes every ounce of energy I have just to keep them from knocking the tree over, they will NOT leave it alone. Time out after time out and still they do not listen to LEAVE THE TREE ALONE.  Funny thing, okay soooooo NOT FUNNY, but there is no ornaments left towards the bottom of my tree, there are several ornaments that have not survived.  I have spent most of the last couple of weeks enforcing time outs, I can not even count the amount of time outs that we have been through...in one day...it has been a crazy few weeks.  This is so beyond terrible twos, I had no idea two little boys could be so very naughty!  It is starting to pay off, they are beginning to grasp the concept of time out, but the battle is not over yet.  I never would have guessed that having twins would be quite so tasking, exhausting, and so very stressful.  I now have two pack n' plays in my dining room, because one time out spot was just not enough, baby gates get shuffled to block the kitchen, and doors must remain closed.  I am so ready for this stage to end, my days are crazy, my nights are exhausting, and my mind is FRAZZLED.  "Twin brain" is not even the words for it, I forget things, misplace things, and swear I do things that I don't, stress is an everyday occurrence but this too shall pass just like the sleepless nights...I HOPE SOONER than later.  Still I love being a twin mama, but never would I have dreamed my life would change so much.  I spend most my day cooking, cleaning, and chasing them out of all the things they can't get in to.  There is so little time to just spend and enjoy with them, or big brother Ethan.  I try to take every moment that I can just playing with them, or just hanging out with Ethan, but I am truly spread way to thin.  I just tell myself someday I will look back on this and laugh, and maybe even miss it a bit, crazy I know but surly I will.  Right now I just can't wait for soccer to start in a few months so I get to have some much needed one on one time with Ethan.  I am looking forward to coaching his team and having that time to just do something fun with him, he loves soccer, and loves that mom gets to coach him.  We have such great conversations on the way to practices and games!!!  So I am waiting for Christmas to come and go, waiting for spring sports, and waiting for more fun times to come!!!

Snow!!!

SNOW!!!

 It finally snowed!!!

 

Well, maybe not snowed, as much as flurried, but it was fun to play in!!!

Breakfast...

I felt like getting a little creative with breakfast, two scoops of Tin Roof ice cream topped off with a bit of syrup! They loved it, though I did try to make shapes with the pancake batter, that turned out as a disaster!!!